Keep your eyes on the road and your head above the wheel

There have been several times in the past many months when I have felt numb.. a feeling I like to describe as one of no feeling, no sensation, no thought. Such a sensation is one which is often coveted by seekers of truth, the spiritual brigade, of which I am also an unworthy member, still confused as hell about whether there is truth or not, so actually finding it if it exists is a long way off. This feeling that I have has caused me to put my almost settled life into a so called 'spin dry' mode in washing machine terminology. I have let go, again, of everything I felt was of value and more importantly, my life. As of now, I'm drifting into universal consciousness. Not thinking, not reacting, not feeling... just experiencing. Anyway, my idea of living has always been that of reaction rather than that of action.

People close to me feel that I'm this closed-up emotionally challenged guy who never expresses himself. Well, I am that but I am otherwise, as in sensitive and understanding. Why does one have to tell people what you feel about them? Why can't they just get it? There is always an expectant look on peoples' faces, of being complimented, of being loved, of being cared for.. I mean, why do I need to care for the whole world? I'm not the saviour. Maybe I need to care for them in return for my own personal selfish want for love and acceptance. But I'm going to get out of that want pretty soon, then what.. Am I selfish now as well.. I'd say I'm super selfish.. and super wierd as I browse through what I've written in the past few sentences.

Well, as I try to wade through the mysteries of life and beyond, I have figured out one thing for sure. I should stop thinking. I am still trying to figure what I should as a replacement to thinking but I'm definitely not going to think. Its the worst thing you can do to a mind, make it think. So STOP...

I'm going to end with Mr. M telling you all and myself to keep your eyes on the road and your head above the wheel. Get the drift...

The road which goes from pretentious to pretentiously real

Apart from the many roads one takes in life, some small, small long, however interconnected they might be, the road which one takes for ones personal journey to finding ones real self or at least pretending to have found it is a very very tricky one. Its like a continuos loop.. just when you think you're going to reach your goal, you find yourself at the starting point, again thinking about the same stuff you thought about when you started... Ok, I just got confused in my own thoughts.. I'll write more later...