I like the fact that all my work, in random writing or design or elsewhere, is reminiscent of some treasured strands of feeling. Strands which I like to keep close, like a little boy clutching onto his toy airplane. I remember that time. That year. It was the month of April in 2003.
Numbers ending in three have never been good for me. I like even numbers. And if its an even number multiple (like 24, 48), its bound to be good for me. Just. It was at the time I had just given my board exams, the test which determines your social standing, your families' standing and the university you get into, in that exact order of priority for my parents and peripheral concerned beings. The only reason why that time is one of those treasured strands is because, that at that time, the possibilities were endless.
I would think up new things and career's everyday, day dreaming and many times making real those random dreams... Of the person I could become, of things I was capable of, of the path I could choose. Of course, a lot of that feeling was also as a result of my being sure of very low grades. But, that innocence of saying 'Yes' to anything and everything was beautiful. Do you want to be part of this marketing exercise? Yes. Work in a call center? Yes. Do you want to try designing this? Yes. Would you like to help me shoot this? Yes. Want to be a slave apprentice on a movie set? Yes.
I simply loved it. I used to love being called a 'nomad'. Oh, that feeling when I would walk with beaty background music in my head after a first time job well executed. It was a roll of 'Eureka!' moments in those days. I owned the world in my own little way. I owned myself. And I could do anything. I was the Lizard King. (Okay, no, that's Morrison's line. Getting carried away now).
But now, I don't know if it was the right year number for me. I want to try trusting the 3's. I don't know if I own myself. I want to try remembering that background music, every strain of which was so clear to me once. I'm at the point where the world will either swallow me up or ... not. I want my airplane back.
Today's a simple even numbered day. This should work.
