Who dare speak..

I would not dare  speak my thoughts, for I am constantly judged. I myself dont find any reason for my thought. Everything I think can be related/ associated back to something/ somebody/ some experience. And all I want to do is live and be free. Now, speaking ones thoughts would amount to a hell of a liability. First speaking what you feel and then living up to it, sometimes justifying it, getting other people to send you all kinds of vibes.. god, its such a  big thing. 

The past few months have been full of mental turmoil, of questioning and more questioning, of existential thoughts and universal answers. All I can derive from them is just a pure state of 'extreme non-productive thought'. But, what the hell, lets just chill out and live. Have been studying Indian cinema in the 50's and the 60's and its amazing to see and experience the passion of the people then. Wonder if it was just the hype created around these individuals and their caricaturisation or were they actually so sensitive, true and honest to their art. 

At some level, I also consider myself to be very honest and sensitive to my art. The difference being that art for me could be anything. Repairing a computer is as exciting, mind engaging and satisfying as making a film. 

I dont feel like writing anymore today. Its such a waste of time, putting down your thoughts and ideas, knowing you will never refer back to them. Its best to live in the moment. Experience what I can experience now and sit back and watch the world go on its usual routine.