The beginning of the beginning..

I search and I search but I have still not found a place on earth to call mine. I'm really a confused ghost trying to figure out what life is all about. At the end of the day, everything seems so fuzzy and blurry and pointless. But there are times when there is reason, those are the times when I loose myself in those thoughtless moments, when everything seems real, when I myself become more aware. But  these moments just flicker by, leaving me breathlessly waiting for the next one. Is death the answer? Or is enlightenment? Or life is just perfect as it is and I'm just a victim of my own conditioning,  trying to look for 'something else' when I already have 'something'. Whatever it is, I will never know. All I know is that there is something which keeps me going, like a feed from the collective consciousness of the universe. I was born to live and I will live to die. But I am born and I will live. This is the beginning. The beginning of the beginning..