Poem.. after a long long time... preachy as usual but still puts what i felt in words..

The past forgotten
the moment felt
the future uncertain

life takes another turn
heads or tails
go one way

is the decision mine..
or is already made
Cant see the way

wait.. i see a light
its very bright
it brings another way out

its no more this or that
This IS
should I go for it

but I cannot
I have a life
promises to fulfill

But this is tempting
What should I do
Should I go for it..

I've done it again

Yet again, in the measly little life i've lived, I've managed to put myself in a self destruct situation. Here I was, with the perfect life, a good job, making good money and one decision, which I'm still to make, can ruin/change it all. My whole life will reset itself. Now, I am rational enough to think about this decision but I'm also dumb enough to put myself in this situation. The decision can go either way. It only depends on the circumstance.

Such a dilemma. If only solutions were as simple as that.

Too bad I don't want to care either way.. I want to just live....

Falling in Love

It is now 9 P.M. and I'm still sitting in office, looking out of a window at one of the busiest roads in the city. A very repetitive uninteresting sight but if one goes out to find meaning, it can come out of anything. I've been trying to write a short film which is as of now in just a series of cluttered thoughts, ideas and situations in my head. To start with, I thought the film I make has to be about love. It is one of the best feelings ever and it would be amazing to ignite the same in someone watching my film.

So love it is.. and the search for a story starts..

Scene One

Background song plays: 'And I still haven't found what I'm looking for...'

And I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Everyone seems to know what they want, things, jobs, relationships... some have a long list. I was confronted by the very same question yesterday and I... did not have an answer. Now, either this is a sad testimony to my flavorless life or it is proof of my enlightened existence. My mind and heart reject both logical reasonings.

So then what do I want, well I certainly do want some things in life, but they're not as significant as the seriousness with which the question is posed. Let me make a list of the things which I currently want and let it rest in internet history:

- more playstation games
- finish my script
- jazz up my car
- get a new phone

now i'm just forcing things out.. maybe creating more wants along the way... Lets play

- make a feature film
- get a life
- get a fully loaded entertainment center
- buy a house
- gain enlightenment
- have a house in the hills
- never have to worry about money again
- accomplish that secret task
- send a lot of money home
- learn to fly a plane, learn how to sketch, learn how to play the guitar and the piano

Ok.. now I'm bored... i'm going to revisit this list after maybe 5 years...

NOW I HAVE SOME WANTS...

And I still haven't found what I'm looking for..