Of the people in my life, of those who've come, gone or stayed, there
is a certain breed of people who are best remembered as 'shooting stars'. Just
like a streak of bright light would be seen in close up in a little boys' big
black eyes and the effect of which would be more pronounced when the shot would
cut a little wider to his awe-struck frozen face as he slowly expands his eye
lids to more absorb the moment in all its glory. Some people are like those
moments. You see them, feel them and they enthrall you and amaze you, at their
beauty, at the beauty they bring out in you, lifting you into a different and
probably higher state of being and then... then they slowly or suddenly fade
away.
And just like a selfish mortal practical being, the natural instinct
is to try and capture them, put them in a jar and keep them around. Only that
the lesson that shooting stars loose all their brilliance when captured always
comes a little too late.
I’ve been witness to a few of these moments. I understand that they’re
rare. The heartbreak which comes with letting these stars be and move on from
them is immense. Not only does the heart break but it consistently does so for
a much longer time than other daily experiences. They reach down in the depths
of your being and make you feel strands of feeling you never knew existed. It’s
almost like you have a hundred other illusionary organs and body parts. You
feel them and loose them in the same moment. There is always the oscillating
feeling between happiness and contentment of a new discovery and the sadness of
never having to get to experience the same again. I want to apply the ‘quick
sand’ phrase to this situation but it miserably falls short. At least, in the
moment, you can feel the sand escape through your fingers which maybe even
leaves a few grains stuck to your hand. But this, this only leaves you with
emptiness. An emptiness which can even be felt in the ends of my toenails.
But I’m learning. I’m learning to let go with a smile while still keeping
the warmth in my heart. I’m learning to cherish these moments more when they
present themselves. I’m learning to overcome my fears. I’m learning to mark
every piece of my heart so I can put it back together easily. But I’m still
learning.
So, this one is for you ‘shooting star’. I know you exist. I know
you’re there somewhere in the universe. I feel you and imagine you lightening
up unknown worlds in the far end of the galaxy. Maybe I’ll encounter you again
or maybe you’ve faded away forever. But I’ll always be here, looking towards
the sky, waiting…
